IVF

Scrolling through Facebook the other day I came across a post about a friend trying for a child through IVF (in vitro fertilization). 

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve heard of IVF. You probably know a friend or family member who has been through the process, but unless you have gone through it yourself, you cannot possibly understand the trama of it all. 

Instead of some wild night of sex you barely remember, you get a box of meds in the mail that cost anywhere from 4-10 grand depending on the protocol. 

You get to give yourself multiple shots for weeks and go in for blood draws every few days. 

You get to go to a doctors office and pray like hell the injections you are giving yourself that cost thousands of dollars are working. That your ovaries are producing up to 18 eggs instead of just one. 

Eggs that will require an IV and a retrieval. A retirieval where they put you under and stick a needle in your cervix poking the sac and extracting all the eggs 

You sit in the doctors office knowing your odds of conceiving. Looking around the room and wondering who will win the baby lotto. 

You wait. 

And wait. 

And wait. 

You wait for the nurse or doctor to call with the news 

How many eggs survived?

They grade them.

You hold your breath for day three when they tell you how many embryos “survived”.  

Depending on the outlook you go in on day three or five for the embryos to be transferred. 

Five day transfers typically have a better chance of survival. 

You go in again to the doctors office. At least you have made it this far. You try to nod encouragingly to those around you. You don’t have to speak. You know their pain. And their hope. 

You are told to have a full bladder, and then legs up, here goes nothing. 

They insert the embryos and you can watch on the monitor as they go in. 

Then you (or at least I did) pray like hell as they instruct you to hold your legs up for 20 minutes. 

After that, the doctor comes in, mine was wonderful and encouraging and said to remember I was PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). 

Ten more days or so of more torture and you go in for a blood test.

Two more days of waiting. 

Yes? No? 

If you are lucky enough to hear yes you go back in two more days for another blood test to see if your PSA levels (pregnancy hormone) are rising. 

Sometimes they aren’t. And the journey ends. Just like that. 

If the levels are still rising, you are scheduled for a six week sonogram to find out if the embryo(s) have attached to the uterine wall, at which point you can hear a heartbeat. 

Sometimes the process ends here. I can’t tell you how many friends I had who made it this far in the journey only to hear devastating news. It’s heartbreaking. 

And for many, the process works. 

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for my doctor, Dr. Kaufman, who I credit in helping me become a mama! 

I wrote this post with the notion to write a post about my baby boy who turns six tomorrow, but as I started writing, it brought be back to the process that made me a mother. 

I am grateful for God. I am grateful for science. 

I’m not going to sit here and reassure you if you are trying to get pregnant to “just relax” and “it will happen when it’s supposed to happen.”

I hated that more than anything. 

I can just tell you this, I know the pain you are going through, and you are not alone. 

Visit http://www.resolve.org if you are struggling with infertility and looking for support and or resources. 

Xo

My {almost} year as a Stay at Home Mom

Until last September, I had always been a working mom. And I had a really flexible job, which was great, but I still worked summers, during Christmas and spring breaks… I never had weeks at a time off with my kids.

While this year has been incredibly tough, it has been a year of incredible growth. It has also been immensely rewarding. I have been reminded many times that tough times do not define our character they reveal it, and I have been reminded of my true strength and stamina.

I want to say this to stay at home moms… I’m jealous. I know there are a lot of us v. them when it comes to working moms v. stay at home moms. Some moms love staying at home. Some moms work because they have to and wish like hell they could be at home. Some moms love working and should feel no guilt for having a career. And some stay at home moms wish they worked. All of the above are completely normal.

When I was a new mom, until present day, when I compare myself to other moms I always give myself an ‘F’. I sometimes, and most unfortunately, by into the post on Facebook and Instagram. I can’t compare.

What I have learned though, is that as much as I don’t compare to those other moms, I am enough for my kids. Who think I am the best mom ever {because they are not on Facebook and Instagram and have no idea how I actually fail in comparison to everyone else}.

In fact, they usually say it to me daily.

“Mom, I love you, you are the best mom ever.”

And it’s usually for something like cooking turkey bacon for dinner, or some other completely insignificant event.

We are all enough.

Enjoy the little things.

Treasure each moment you can.

Be kind to each other.

Love Trumps hate.

Every single time.

And it takes a whole lot less energy to love than it does to hate.

Save that energy for something else. Like holding open a door for someone. Smiling at the person in line behind you at the grocery store, and giving an accepting nod to the mother looking mortified as her child throws a tantrum about getting on an airplane.

It takes a village.

A village of non assholes.

xoxo

PS, Drawing for the winner of a new special candle is tomorrow, don’t forget to comment on the last post to enter to win.

End of the Summer

I know a lot of moms are thrilled when school starts and the kids are back at school… Me, not so much. I love the summers with the kids. I mean, I work, so it’s so nice to come home and not have to do homework or rush dinner… To just be able to spend time and cuddle and do nothing but have fun. I love the chaos that summer brings and the lack of routine. I love being able to have an impromptu ‘movie night’ at 9 p.m., and not having to worry about waking everyone up in the morning. But, those days have come and gone. Cole started PreK 4 today. My little cutie…

That’s him eating a sandwich for breakfast as we walk out the door. No, I didn’t make adorable “First Day” signs. I barely got the boy dressed and fed. See his backpack? No? That’s because I didn’t even bother to pack it. It’s half days this week, and he’s four…

All that being said, I wanted to do something special with the boys the last weekend of summer, and I needed it to be super cheap. Like, free. After wracking my brain for awhile, it hit me. The beach at Lake Granbury! I had heard about it, but we had never been. The boys had a blast.

We had so much fun Saturday, we went back Sunday.  And we might go back tonight as well. I am so bummed I didn’t think about this at the beginning of the summer, but there is always next year! The beach is open daily 5 a.m. to 11 p.m. You can check it out here.  It wasn’t crowded, and it was sandy and perfect for wading and swimming in. This may be my new favorite summer spot! And, it’s FREE!!!!

Stranger Danger, Part 2

I was upstairs when I hear the doorbell ring. Before I can get downstairs, Luke opened the door, and let a strange man into our home. Yeah. He did. I was thrilled that Justin turned out to not be a serial killer. I was even more excited when he told me what he could do for me. My house, is so on its way to being The Jetsons, and it only took a couple of hours.

Now I can open my door with my phone. I can see who rings my doorbell. I can unlock or not unlock that door. I can control the temperature at my house when I am not there. I can check on my house whenever I want with an App. I can give my children and anyone I want a different access code that will time stamp when they come and go, and best of all, it is operated by a SIMS card that checks the line every 3 seconds. Every three seconds y’all, that’s crazy! That means if my phone wires are cut, if my computer isn’t working, no big deal because Vivint will contact me within seconds to find out if something is wrong. If no response is received, the police will be notified within a minute. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg… I will post more, but if you are interested in hearing about this very VERY affordable security system, call Justin (786)423-8567, and tell him you find out about the company from The Blue Sparrow Blog. Now… to go play with my new toy…