When You’re On a Roll…

Keep rolling, right? In the past week I have managed to piss off, pretty much everyone who is important in my life. I know, I know… I should feel terrible, but it’s my biggest accomplishment lately so I figured I’d brag about it. And tell you why the cops might be called on me tonight by my oldest.

I pick up Luke and we are on our way to get Cole and for some bizarre reason he ask me what he should do if he could not wake me up. Which is a freaky question to randomly be asked by Luke… So I do my parenting best, and tell him to find my phone and dial 911, and then the police will come, but that he needs to make sure he knows the address, does he remember mommy’s new address, and at this point I see Luke get a little stressed out. So I try to reassure him…

“Don’t worry, if that does happen, now you know exactly what to do and the police and firewomen would come and save mommy and you would be a hero, so don’t worry. You’d help mommy and I’d be fine.”

Luke’s facial expression goes from worried too light bulb in point zero one seconds.

“You mean, if I can’t wake you up, and I have to call the police, and they have to come to our house, I will be a hero?!”

Me, making the mistake of thinking I had done a good job, overly reassuringly say, “YES!!!!”

To which Luke says… “So mom, a hero would get a good reward huh?”

My facial expression changes from one of patting myself on the back to one of extreme worry…  “Ummm….. Yes.”

“Especially if that hero were to save your life….?”

I had to cut him off. I knew exactly where this was going.

“Luke, so help me… If you whisper in my ear and I do not wake up in the middle of the night and you call the cops, you do NOT get a reward. Is that clear?”

Luke looks about as freaked out as a kid can look.

“Oh my gosh mom, I was totally not thinking that. I really wasn’t. How did you do that? Can mom’s really read minds? Oh wow.”

I’m now concerned he’s going to test that theory too. And all I want tonight is a decent nights sleep. Is that too much to ask?

To all that I have pissed off in the last week, or hell, if I have ever pissed you off, I would just like you to know… I’m sorry. And by the way that color looks fantastic on you, but any color would probably look good on you since you have lost so much weight, not that you had any to lose. Be careful or someone is going to call you anorexic. And you know, you are just to young and youthful looking to be anorexic. I hope you have a fabulous day.

Stranger Danger, Part 2

I was upstairs when I hear the doorbell ring. Before I can get downstairs, Luke opened the door, and let a strange man into our home. Yeah. He did. I was thrilled that Justin turned out to not be a serial killer. I was even more excited when he told me what he could do for me. My house, is so on its way to being The Jetsons, and it only took a couple of hours.

Now I can open my door with my phone. I can see who rings my doorbell. I can unlock or not unlock that door. I can control the temperature at my house when I am not there. I can check on my house whenever I want with an App. I can give my children and anyone I want a different access code that will time stamp when they come and go, and best of all, it is operated by a SIMS card that checks the line every 3 seconds. Every three seconds y’all, that’s crazy! That means if my phone wires are cut, if my computer isn’t working, no big deal because Vivint will contact me within seconds to find out if something is wrong. If no response is received, the police will be notified within a minute. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg… I will post more, but if you are interested in hearing about this very VERY affordable security system, call Justin (786)423-8567, and tell him you find out about the company from The Blue Sparrow Blog. Now… to go play with my new toy…

Stranger Danger

 This… Is Luke. He is my oldest. He is a lot like his mama… Stubborn. Fearless. Mischievous. Sweet when he wants to be, and pretty darn funny sometimes. He wants to be a YouTuber, or a scientist when he grows up {which he did not get from me}, and he constantly keeps me on my toes.

When he was four, I thought I should probably talk to him about ‘stranger danger.’ So I sat him down on the couch, and told him we needed to talk. I gave him the standard ‘stranger danger’ speech, the whole, they might have candy, or they might ask you to come help them find their missing puppy, they might tell you they have a toy for you if you come with them to their car, and you are never to go with someone you don’t know, no matter what they tell you they will give you, or ask you to help with… And Luke interrupts me and jumps off the couch, clearly missing my point, and goes, “Mom! Are you serious?! Strangers will give me candy and toys?!” he exclaims with jubilation as he goes to get his shoes and socks, “Come on mom! We better go find us some strangers!” I again {attempted} to explained that the point of the story was to not go with strangers, not to actively try and seek them out. Luke shrugged and walked off, and I assumed that was that.

A couple of days later, we were at the grocery store checking out and Luke keeps eyeing the person behind us. He looks at the person, looks back at me… “Mom, is that a stranger?” “Yes Luke,” I say, nodding to the man behind us. Luke turns back around, “Say stranger, you got any candy?” “No,” says stranger looking slightly confused. Luke shakes his head and then ask, “Well, do you have any toys for me?” The stranger starts laughing at this point and Luke, looking annoyed, turns back to me… “Mom… This stranger’s got nothing.” I can only classify this as #epicparentingfail