Moving Forward

It’s no secret if you read this blog that I am divorced. If not, surprise! I am. Forever I felt guilty about it but I was able to truly let that go yesterday.

You see, one of my best friends is going through a divorce. And here’s the thing about divorce… it takes two to make a relationship fail. Period. People fall in love and then it takes a whole lot of mother effing work to keep that going. Most people, at least half, fail at it. And it’s not because of one thing. No, it’s not.

It’s not like someday you wake up, have one fight, and go, that’s it. It’s over. No my friends, it takes years. Years of being miserable and finally having the courage to walk away.

Yes. Courage. It takes a lot of balls to admit you made a mistake and walk away. Especially if there are children involved.

I was heartbroken when my friend told me she was getting a divorce. I know how bad it sucks. I know the guilt. I know the pain you feel for being the one who has the balls to say, look, this isn’t working and I’m done.

That takes balls my friends. Huge mother effing balls. And I am proud of anyone who does it.

So I have been picking my friend up off the floor. I have been listening to her cry. I have assured her she made the right decision because she did. For her, for her husband and for her kids. Yes. She wants her husband to be happy. She wishes him no ill will. She wants her kids to be happy. To not grow up in a house with control issues. I applaud her. I have been there. Oh… how I have been there.

Yesterday we were texting as we do all day everyday and I said, “Hey, call me.”

It’s not uncommon for us to spend hours a day on the phone.

She called me in tears. She was having to go to her storage unit that her husband had packed and sort through things. I knew oh too well the emotional drain, and even though I had my kids I said, please let me come help you.

When we arrived, kids in tow, she was bawling. The kind of bawling where you can’t move. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she shook. She’s lost 30 lbs. she did not need to lose, and while yes, she looks great, she is so not great. She is struggling. She can’t keep food down. She also teaches fitness classes for a living and knows she is unhealthy. She looks sick if you really know her. She looks bad.

The storage unit had trash in it. Yes, trash was moved and stored for her to go through. My 9-year-old said, mom, why is there trash here? Is she going through a divorce like you and dad did?

“Yes baby she is,” I replied.

Luke said, “Mom, why did you and dad get divorced?”

He’s never ask me that question. He was five when I filed.

“Well Luke, mom and dad use to love each other a lot. And then we fell out of love. We started fighting all the time and it wasn’t good for you and Cole to see that.”

“I remember,” Luke said.

That hit me hard.

“We didn’t want you to grow up in that environment, so we divorced and now dad and I are really good friends and we like each other a lot. You know that don’t you?”

Luke shook his head yes and said, “That makes sense. I’m glad you did that.”

My guilt vanished in an instant. Poof. Now it was time to pay it forward and help my friend.

Luke and Cole were the best kids for five hours as my friend and another friend who came to join us sorted through her married life. We laughed. We cried. We picked her up off the floor. We called the husband an asshole when we found a large box of poison on top of several boxes. Why the hell had he packed poison and not told his wife it was in there. It said DO NOT TOUCH in big bold letters and how on earth were we supposed to see that in a storage until piled sky high?

I got angry.

I was livid.

I still am.

How dare he do that? Was there a rat problem in the unit? Possibly. But if so you tell your wife where it is, you don’t hide it on top of several boxes in the middle of the unit for her to pick up.

Luke took his phone and began filming. He filmed the unit all on his own, he filmed the trash. He filmed the chaos. And at the end he turned the camera on himself and said…

“Don’t be a jerk to your husband or wife, or whoever, or you will end up like this.”

It broke every adult heart there.

My 9-year-old knows better than a 40 year-old-man. And that’s sad.

If you are going through a divorce, realize this… No matter how much of a martyr you think you are in the situation, you need to take a real hard look at the role you played in the break up of the marriage.

And just in case this needed to be stated… if you put poison in a storage unit, tell your wife. If it had been myself, I would have called the cops, cause that’s some bull fucking shit. And I’m pissed.

 

Robb Kidd

As a child, I grew up loving music. My parents were not huge music people, in fact, after our record player they didn’t own anything to play music on until they recently bought an Alexa.

But my grandmother loved music. She use to want me to be a country western star, specifically, the next Crystal Gayle. My parents did like Kenny Rogers and Kenny Logins and I can remember my mom playing “the Gambler” every year as we decorated the Christmas tree.

My uncle, Mr. S. Jones, on the other hand, really loved music. Throughout my life he would tell me to look up this band or that band, his all time favorite {I know because I ask at Thanksgiving} being the Beatles. I told him during the holiday how I had met Jack White a couple of times and we discussed his music, my uncle is a HUGE Jack White fan.

When I was eight I got turned on to Simon and Garfunkle and listened to their greatest hits non stop until I was 12. I wore that tape out. Still one of my favorite groups. After that my uncle introduced me to the Doors, the Beatles, Jefferson Airplane, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, the list is endless. I’ve always loved classic rock because of him.

Flash forward to this time in my life. Yes, I go to Austin a lot, and no, I don’t live there. If it wasn’t for my kids splitting time with their father we would be there. And yes, when I don’t have my kids I am frequently found on South Congress at Cboys.

That’s where Robb Kidd comes in to play. I first became aware of Robb through Golden Dawn Arkestra, one of my favorite psychedelic bands. Robb drums for Golden Dawn {you can catch them at Barracuda in Austin on NYE}. After I saw him in Golden Dawn I realized he is one of Austin’s most celebrated drummers, and rightfully so. The Kidd, pun intended, is loaded with talent. And passion.

He plays with so many bands I don’t even know who all they are. If someone needs a drummer they call up Robb. He plays with Matt Hubbard, another favorite of mine, on Wednesday’s at Cboy’s followed by the oh so awesome Greyhounds featuring Anthony Ferrell, this guy… plays the keys, WHILE playing the bass with his left hand and sings all at once. Yeah. Take that in. His partner is Andrew Trubes and drummer David “Snizz” Robinson, although Snizz has a “real” job and doesn’t tour with them {unfortunately for everyone}.

Robb is seriously one of the most talented drummers I have ever seen. The sticks fly when he plays and I don’t think I have ever seen him miss a beat. Like, ever. Last night he was playing in Dallas with someone, Erika Wennerstrom, and my friend Kelly Cranz who does merch for all the cool kids {look her up if you need a merch girl} let me know he was playing. I had messaged her asking if she wanted to go to Gary Clark Jr. who was playing up here last night.

She said she was gigging for Kidd and did I want to come with her. My usual response when Kelly ask if I want to go with her is “hell yeah.” She’s awesome to see music with because like myself, she doesn’t drink, so we hang out drinking coffee or ginger beer or sugar free Red Bull.

Kidd absolutely mother effing killed it last night. I was blown away. The last song they did was Paint it Black by the Stones.

I have been in a Stones mode for the last three or four months now. Their essential list is usually playing in my car {if not Lady Gaga is}. I go through phases and right now those two are who I am listening too. Miss You by the Stones is my favorite, and Paint it Black is up there. It use to be my favorite but Miss You is edging it out at the moment. Honky Tonk Woman ranks third or fourth.

Here is Kidd and Erika absolutely slaying Paint it Black. Enjoy!

https://www.facebook.com/alexis.matthews/videos/10217419415267938/