My 60 Days without Alcohol

I decided on August 24th that alcohol and I were no longer friends. It had done a number on myself and my relationships, and when someone said, “You, can’t stop drinking! That will never happen!” It pissed me off. I’m stubborn and hate being told I can’t do something. I can do anything I want to damnit! So I quit.

60 days later, I’m not going to tell  you it’s been easy. It hasn’t. I was using alcohol to not deal with a myriad of problems going on in my life. Some I created, some I didn’t. Most of them I had absolutely no control over, and my drinking had become daily.

Almost without thinking I would pop open a bottle. This use to occur when I got off of work, but then I quit working in October of 2016, so I had an abundance of time to do whatever I wanted. And apparently I wanted to drink.

Sunday brunch drinking turned into Monday day drinking. Why not? It’s not like I had anywhere to be. And since I was divorced, I had a week at a time to myself. Before I knew it I was drinking all the time. Sometimes I didn’t even really want to, but I’d think, meh, it’s there, why not?

Here’s another thing about me… well a couple of things. One, I’m an only child, and two, I’m never wrong. Or so I thought.

Everyone always comments how nice and sweet I am. That is… until you piss me off. I’ve been told by some of my best friends, who pissed me off, that my tongue is ruthless and cuts to the bone. This was a quality I knew I had and frankly, I liked it. Especially since I was never wrong. I felt like since I was speaking my truth, I could say anything I wanted. This fueled with lots and lots of drinking was a deadly combination. I alienated many a friend. My two best friends said they no longer recognized who I was as I drank more and thought more highly of myself than I ever had.

I thought I was invincible.

Turns out, I don’t possess that super hero quality. I only discovered this after losing my best friends and gaining legal issues. Hello DWI. I spiraled quickly in late 2016 and the first 8 months of 2017. Until that one person made the comment that changed everything. Telling me I couldn’t quit.

The hardest thing that has happened since quitting has been facing my fears without any numbing substance. I have many fears. Most are about things I can’t control and the unknown. I worry and worry, and worry about things that may or may not happen, and that fear was paralyzing.

I was also in a very unhealthy co-dependant relationship that I told myself I had to be in, because I could not face the fear of being alone. Not drinking allowed me to see just how destructive that relationship was, and I ended it.

And it was freeing. Absolutely freeing. I love being free. I forgot somewhere along the way that when I’m free, I’m happy. What a sobering slap in the face. Now, 63 days  in, I’m happier than I’ve been in over 20 years. Yep. 20 freaking years. That’s a long ass time.

Stopping drinking has taught me to look my fears straight on, and walk through them alone. I am no longer afraid. There are still problems and issues, but I’ve learned to not sweat the things I cannot control. And to not tell myself it would be horrible if ‘this’ or ‘that’ happens, because frankly, I don’t know. Maybe it would suck, maybe it wouldn’t. I won’t find out unless that said event actually occurs. I’ve learned in the last 63 days that the reality is often not what I thought it would be. Not at all. And I’ve realized I’m a pretty bad ass bitch. And I’m okay with that.

I don’t know if I’ll repair the relationships I’ve ruined, but I’m okay with that too. I’ve made it a year without the two people I cherished most in this world as far as friends go, and I’ve survived. Of course I miss them, but if they can’t forgive me that’s okay too. I’ve made some new kick ass friends and life goes on.

My outlook to the future is bright. It’s almost downright blinding. And I cannot wait to see what the next year brings. Challenges, ups, downs, life… I’ll take it. And I’ll survive. And I’ll be just fine. 

Win it Wednesday’s are Back!

Yes, every Wednesday until Christmas {which is only 8 weeks away, eek!} the Blue Sparrow blog will be giving away something amazing each week. This week, I am giving away a piece from Kendra Scott! Yes, that’s right, Kendra Scott! Jewel tones are huge this season, and who doesn’t love a little KS bling, am I right? So let’s get this season started off right with an amazing giveaway worth $110. That’s right. $110 smackers, for FREE. Just follow the rules below.

To Win you must…

  1. Leave a comment below telling me why you love Kendra Scott.
  2. Share this blog post on your Facebook page.
  3. Tag a friend who loves Kendra as much as you do.

Good Luck! Winner will be drawn next Wednesday, November 1st. You must have done all three things in order to be entered to win.

And here they are… The must have Darci stackable ring set in a size 7.

kendra-scott-darci-stackable-ring-set-in-jewel-tones_00_default_sm.jpg

To shop Kendra Scott, click here.

And if you live in Fort Worth check out the new Clearfork location. The store is gorgeous and the staff, lead by Emily Bailey, is amazing! They {or the University location} can take care of all your Christmas shopping needs. One stop shopping? Yes please!

Now, share to win!!!

And be sure to check back weekly to find out what the giveaway will be. I’ve got some amazing stuff to give out. Everything from an REI gift card to one of my favorite items from The Woodhouse Day Spa. Target and American Express gift cards and gift bundles from Young Living and Rodan + Fields. Prizes range from $25 to $400. And I can ship them anywhere in the world you may be, so keep checking in. I look forward to sharing great stories and great gifts.

 

xo,

The Blue Sparrow Blog